The perfect man?
by elliecookie
Summary: Years on, times have changed. Gone are the days that Miranda and Stevie chatted and spent time with Gary. She dumped her 'perfect boyfriend after getting worked up over nothing and before she could apologize, Tilly stepped in and asked Gary out! Will Miranda ever make things right between her and Gary? Or will she be single forever?
1. Chapter 1

"You know, Miranda… You really should fight for Gary…" Stevie's voice rang in Miranda's ears.

Things had gone terribly wrong between her and Gary, what with Miranda breaking up with Gary and Tilly asking him out before Miranda got the chance to apologize.

"Shut up, you sound like mum!" Miranda whined. Gary had been put at the back of her mind…but obviously, you can still remember things from the back of your mind, so it's a rubbish excuse to stop thinking about something.

"You're not over him, you know that. I know that. Your mum knows that. The only people that don't know are Gary and Tilly! How much do you think about him?" Stevie asked in a kind voice.

"Never." Stevie glanced at her in disbelief.

"Fine, basically never." Stevie's eyebrows raised, waiting for a true answer.

"Okay, ALL THE TIME!" And then Miranda breathed out heavily. She was really upset, but didn't want to show it.

"Hang on, let me make you feel better." Stevie then went over to the stairs and fell over a step."

Miranda just looked at Stevie. "You're rubbish! Only someone with grace and elegance like me can fall over so comically."

Stevie gasped. "Well that's a bit offensive. You have elegance?" She sniggered.

"Shut your mouth!" Just as Stevie opened her mouth to protest, a chocolate fairy cake was shoved in her mouth.

"Anyway, what happened to cheering me up?" Miranda pouted. "Do you like my cute puppy dog face?"

Stevie spat the cake out and laughed. "You? A cute puppy dog? If anything you look like one of those huge Saint Bernard dogs!"

"I mean it this time, do you want more cake to shut you up?" Miranda got cross.

"Well, not particularly no - " Stevie began.

"Good, so make me feel better! Make me feel better!"

"Honestly, Miranda, you sound like a two year old whining to go to the Bear Factory at the shopping centre! Actually, you sound like you when you want to go to the Bear Factory!" Stevie giggled, and pulled out Miranda's bear collection.

Pretending to look shocked and appalled, Miranda protested, "I do NOT go to the Bear Factory!"

Stevie pointed to the bear collection. "Well, they came here for a…. for a… for tea party!"

"A tea party?" Stevie spluttered.

Just as Miranda was about to reply, the shop door opened and Penny strolled in.

"Oh God." Miranda muttered, under her breath. "Hi mum." She groaned.

"Hello. Well, I came here to talk to you about Gary." Penny announced.

A sigh came from Miranda's direction. "Oh, not you as well! I don't want to get back with him, Gary thinks I hate him, and Tilly thinks I hate her and it's all too awkward! You know I don't go well with awkward situations!"

Stevie stepped in. "Well actually, every social event this year has been awkward, so why would this one matter?"

"Well, I was about to suggest that you forget Gary." Penny opened the door and a man walked in. He was young, sexy and completely fit… "Miranda, meet Jamie."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ooh Hello, sexy!" Miranda kind of growled, in an extremely unladylike manner. Her attempted flirt seemed unsuccessful.

"Um… Hi, Mandy!" Jamie smiled awkwardly. Stevie could not contain her laughter.

Miranda was speechless, so Stevie stepped in. "Actually, it's Miranda, not Mandy…" There was a silence, until Jamie began the conversation again. "Oh, I am really sorry. I hope I didn't offend you?"

"No, no, NO of course not, I mean, Miranda is my name, Miranda is me, but you know, Mandy is quite a cool name too, so no offence taken!" Miranda said, obviously from the top of her head. "So, mum, why did you bring Jamie here?" Miranda asked, passing the conversation over to Penny.

"Well. As you are single, Miranda-" Penny began.

"Hang on- Miranda's single?" Jamie asked, interested.

Sighing, Penny replied, "Oh Extremely single, she is looking for a partner."

"Um, actually, I am enjoying my life as a single woman." Miranda spoke in a rather posh voice.

Stevie interrupted. "You are so not. You spend your weekends playing with your fruit bowl buddies!" She snorted.

"Hey, I do not!" Miranda protested.

"You SO do. I saw you acting out last weeks' episode of Corrie with the apple! Well, if you want advice, I think that you should use the Kiwi week. No, I'm serious; I reckon it's got lots more **_soul _**than an apple…" Stevie suggested.

"Oh, shut up." Miranda sighed.

"I will not." Stevie continued.

Miranda stood right by her and held up her hand flat at Stevie's head, so it was clear who's boss. Stevie took mock offence.

"Anyway, Penny, how did you meet Jamie?" Stevie asked Miranda's mum, to change the subject.

"Well, it's a funny story, that is. I was going on what I call a swim –" Penny began, before Miranda interrupted.

"Actually, I think you'll find it's what I call a swim too?" She stepped in. After totally ignoring her daughter, Penny continued.

"Anyway, I was going on what I call a swim and young Jamie here was…around the pool. OK, let's just say that I thought I was capable of diving of the high board…" Penny slowed down her speech.

"Oh mum, you didn't!" Miranda asked. The look on Penny's face told her the answer.

"Fine, so I might have belly flopped into the water, and I had to be rescued by Jamie." Penny told Miranda and Stevie, who were nearly in tears of laughter.

"Oh right then… which board?" Miranda asked her mum, getting excited.

"10m…" Penny replied.

Miranda jumped up and down and whined like a toddler. "Aww, you beat my record! At the last belly flop I only went up to 5m!"

Stevie was a little confused. "Hang on, are you saying that you see who can do the biggest belly flop?"

Both Miranda and Penny were getting uncomfortable, so Penny said, "Anyway. Like I said, Jamie rescued me. He's a lifeguard, you know!"

Miranda and Stevie were literally drooling right before Jamie, and then, Miranda strolled up to him and said, "Do you mind if I…" And she touched his muscles. Miranda silently screamed in excitement at Stevie, before jumping backwards. "Oh, sorry, I hope you don't mind? I don't know what came over me…"

"Sorry Miranda, but I need to go round to the corner shop to buy some M&M's." Stevie told Miranda, heading towards the shop door. Jamie started browsing the shop.

"M&M'S? You don't need them, I have 10 BAGS in my bedroom!" Miranda cried.

Making up a quick excuse, Stevie replied, "Oh, but they're all rubbish peanut ones. I hate peanut M&M's, they're gross, aren't they Jamie?"

Looking over his shoulder, he answered, "Actually, they aren't too bad…" A little creeped out, he turned round.

"Well,I HATE HATE HATE peanut M&M's! Goodbye, Miranda!" Stevie said. Miranda mouthed at her, "Damn it, you can't leave me with HER!"

"Yes, I should leave as well. Jamie will stay with you. Have fun running your joke shop!" Penny blurted out quickly.

"No, mum, I'm not ready…And by the way, it's joke SLASH gift!" Miranda replied.

"Such fun." Penny said.

"Not in the mood." Miranda told her.

"Such fun!"

"Shut up!

"Such fun!" Miranda sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognise I do not own, including characters or jokes.**

"Hello!" Miranda cried, a little worried.

"Um, hi.." Jamie replied. "So, what do you do, do you work?"

"Well, I am an Olympic Gymnast!" Miranda answered, thinking quickly.

"Um, I thought you ran this joke shop?" Jamie asked, a little bemused.

"Well, actually it's a joke SLASH gift shop. And no, I'm not actually a gymnast, I lied…" Miranda went on, awkwardly.

"Oh, that's funny!" Jamie laughed. His laugh was snotty and slightly geeky…

"Actually it's not, I lied-" But Miranda was interrupted. A delivery man entered the shop, carrying a huge parcel. He was chewing gum and looked very bored, as if he didn't want to be there.

"This is a delivery of whoopee cushions for your joke shop," The man said, without looking up. "Just sign here…" Miranda wrote her signature on a slip of paper, and held her arms out, ready to receive the large box.

"Well, here you are, Sir. Bye!" The delivery guy turned and walked out of the shop, leaving Miranda speechless and fuming.

"Excuse me?!" Miranda was horrified, but when she noticed that the man didn't seem to hear her, she shrugged and turned to face Jamie again. Before she could start talking, however, Penny and Stevie stepped in.

"Well, hello. Do you want to hear this week's laugh? It is based on Gangnam Style by P S Y. Ha ha ha ha ha…" Penny laughed, excitedly. Everyone was 'wierded out' so Stevie changed the subject.

"Miranda, can we play my favourite game?" She asked, getting hyper.

"What's your favourite game?" Jamie stepped in. He didn't seem to have much involvement in the conversation, but no one seemed to notice anyway.

Miranda and Stevie looked at eachother. "WHERE'S MIRANDA!" They yelled simultaneously.

By this time, Jamie was seriously scared. "Right, I'm leaving…" He whispered, edging towards the door.

"No, don't go! I think you are really hot!" Miranda cried, before gasping and realising what she's said.

"I'm sorry, Miranda…I just don''t think you are the right kind of woman for me." He said, before walking away, leaving Miranda heartbroken.

Miranda started singing. "All by myself…Don't wanna be….all by myself…"

"Oh shut up, Miranda. You'll get over it someday." Stevie stepped in.

Before Miranda could answer, someone burst in…


	4. Chapter 4

What seemed like years were only seconds. Stevie could not contain herself.

"Oh My God, it's Tilly!" Miranda heard, before everything went black.

She had passed out, most likely from sheer anger or shock. When her eyes finally opened, about two hours later, faces crowded over her so she couldn't see any light. Miranda could see her mother, Stevie, Tilly, and a nurse. She was in hospital. After gasping for breath and sitting up, she spoke.

"Um, why am I here? I am perfectly fine!" The nurse gave her a glance, and then turned to Stevie.

"She can go home now. There's nothing wrong with her, just a false alarm. Don't worry about it." She said. Stevie took Miranda by the hand and they walked to the car.

Bending down (A LOT!) to get to the same level as Stevie, Miranda whispered, "Why did Tilly come?"

Stevie replied, "Oh, she told us everything. Well, not us, me, but nevermind…" Miranda interrupted her. "Ok then, can you just tell me what she said? I'd rather NOT talk face to face; I don't ever want to see her or Gary ever again." Miranda huffed, crossing her arms like a stroppy five year old.

"But that's just it! Tilly _isn't _dating Gary, it was all a misunderstanding! The two of them went to a community event, and when Tilly got hooked up with a guy who looked like Gary, well, some passers-by just took it the wrong way." Stevie said, raising her voice from a whisper. The look on Miranda's face was strange, and she looked confused. "Was that too much for your pea sized brain to take in?" Stevie added, deviously.

"Shut up, you twit. Honestly, it's Christmas soon, you should start spreading joy to those around you… and maybe this year you won't be a stupid little idiot and actually eat one little chocolate per day! Really, who can buy an advent calendar and sit around ignoring it when you know there's little chocolates behind each door?" Miranda started her Christmas advent calendar speech.

"Ok, let's not talk about Christmas and get back to business…" Stevie said, attempting to change the subject. Before anything else was spoken, a voice approached from outside the car.

It was Tilly.

"Yes, that's exactly what I said… Yes, Of course not…. Oh, bear with, I have another call coming through…" She was obviously on her mobile phone.

"Oh hi…Yes I know…Tremendulous! ... He was such a Nudulator…Right, I need to go… Au Revoir!"


End file.
